


Secrets, Lies and Silence

by Woldy



Category: Merlin (BBC)
Genre: Bechdel Test Pass, Canon Compliant, Character of Color, F/F, First Meetings, Missing Scene, POV Female Character, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-18
Updated: 2010-04-18
Packaged: 2017-10-09 00:47:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/81203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woldy/pseuds/Woldy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four times Morgana kept her secret from Gwen and one time she didn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secrets, Lies and Silence

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 'five times challenge' at [](http://community.livejournal.com/gwenmorganabbc/profile)[**gwenmorganabbc**](http://community.livejournal.com/gwenmorganabbc/) . This fic isn't betaed, so I apologise for any mistakes. This contains spoilers for Merlin seasons 1 &amp; 2, especially 1.07 and 2.13.

1.

Morgana has been at Camelot only a few days and is struggling to understand this strange castle with all its protocol and unspoken rules, when she has the dream again.

_Her father gallops into battle, his cloak streaming out behind him, and a dozen men at his side. There is a clash of swords, the glitter off shields and armour, and the sharp smell of mud and sweat. Her father does not see the bowman take aim, but his arrow flies straight and true, burying itself in her father's chest. He clutches at his chest, face white and desperate, as his blood pools in the grass._

Morgana wakes screaming, and within seconds a servant hurries into the room carrying a candle.

"What's wrong m'lady?"

Morgana gulps for air. "I had a nightmare. It was..."  
 The servant is barely older than Morgana herself, but her face relaxes and her reply is made in the tone of one speaking to a child: "It was just a dream, it wasn't real. There's nothing for you to be afraid of."

The dismissal crystallises Morgana's pain and loss into fury. _ I dreamt my father's death the night before it happened,_ she thinks._ If the dream wasn't real, then I would still have my father. If it wasn't real then I would never have come here, to be lonely and patronised by servants._

"I dreamt about my father's death," Morgana says, forcing out the words. "Don't tell me it didn't happen."

The servant recoils, her eyes widening, and there is a moment of horrible silence.

"You can go --" Morgana begins, but the servant interrupts.

"I'm sorry, it was wrong of me to dismiss it. Your father's death must be very difficult for you." The girl hesitates, and then says. "I know it's not my place to say this, but my mother died when I was young and I remember how that felt. If there's anything you need, or if you want someone to talk to..."

Right now, Morgana doesn't want to talk to anyone, but she remembers her etiquette lessons and forces herself to make an appropriate reply. "Thank you," she says. "I should be fine."

"Sometimes a light helps with nightmares, so I'll leave the candle," the servant says, placing it on the table.

The servant's hand is reach for the door when Morgana asks, "What's your name?"

The girl turns, slowly, and meets Morgana's eyes. "Gwen," she says, "my name is Gwen."

2.

After Morgana is woken by nightmares for the fifth night in a row, Gwen persuades her to summon the Court Physician.

"What do you dream about?" Gauis asks, watching her intently, and Morgana takes a deep breath to calm herself.

"I dream my father's death."

Gauis' face softens. "After someone you love dies, it's a natural response to think about them," he says sympathetically. "I can mix you a remedy to stop the dreams. Would you like me to do that?"

Morgana hesitates, and glances over at Gwen, taking in the dark shadows under her eyes. These nightmares don't only effect Morgana, and she is very aware of being a guest who must not become a nuisance.

"Yes, thank you," Morgana replies, and Gauis pats her on the shoulder.

"I'll have the remedy ready for you by tonight."

Gauis bustles out of the room and Gwen turns to her with a smile. "I knew Gauis would be able to help you."

Morgana doesn't share Gwen's faith in the physician, however well meaning he might be, but she stifles her doubts and smiles back.

3.

For a while Gauis' remedy stops Morgana from dreaming at all, but then the nightmares start to show her unfamiliar and disturbing scenes. The dreams are fragmentary, barely more than snapshots: a woman screams as she is burned alive, a village fleeing soldiers who ride under Camelot's banner, a man whose eyes flash golden.

At first Morgana hardly remembers these images, but over time they form a pattern: a rebellion against Camelot, and Uther's efforts to suppress it. Or perhaps - and it is treason even to think this - she is dreaming Uther's brutal war against his own subjects. Against everyone suspected of practising magic.

Morgana grows accustomed to waking with a start in the early hours of the morning, but nobody notices until the day that Gwen walks at dawn and finds her reading.

"Morgana, what are you-" Gwen stops and frowns. "You're not sleeping properly, are you?"

"Just last night," Morgana says, keeping her voice calm and soft. _It's just a white lie,_ she tells herself,_ there's no need for Gwen to worry._

"If the remedy isn't working then we should tell Gauis," says Gwen, concern visible on her face. "Maybe he can make you something else."

"I'm fine, Gwen, really."

Gwen pauses, her hand on the curtains, and says. "Perhaps it would help to tell someone about the dreams?"

"No!" Morgana says sharply, on instinct, and Gwen's hand clenches around the cloth. "No, thank you. I'd rather not talk about it."

As Gwen turns away and flings open the curtains, Morgana glimpses her hurt expression.

If only it were as simple as telling Gwen what she dreams about, but Morgana has been in Camelot long enough to know how dangerous it is to mention magic. Silence is far safer, for both herself and Gwen, but she doesn't know how to explain that.

"I'll get your breakfast," Gwen announces, in a voice with no expression at all, and keeps her eyes lowered until she leaves the room.

Morgana's chest aches as she watches Gwen go, but she can't find the words to re-assure her.

4.

The problem with Gauis' remedy is that it doesn't halt the dreams, but stops her from seeing enough to be useful. Morgana witnesses tantalising snatches of events, but never understands enough to know whether they are predictions and if she could stop them.

Worst of all is the night she dreams of Arthur sinking into murky green water, his eyes closed as if asleep. He isn't struggling, isn't swimming, _isn't breathing_ \- and Morgana wakes up drenched in sweat. Morgana doesn't recognise the woman standing over Arthur, her golden cloak heavy in the water, but knows that the woman's intentions are malevolent.

The next day, the same woman - introduced as Sophia Tir-Mor, although Morgana doubts that is her true name - arrives in Camelot.

Morgana tries to tell Gauis, but he brushes her fears aside and gives her a stronger sleeping draught, along with a warning not to inform Uther. She tries to threaten the woman, but is dismissed with a sneering accusations of jealousy.

At last, having run out of options, Morgana tries to warn Arthur, but he laughs in her face.

"You really are very sweet, Morgana," he says condescendingly. "Your feelings, bad dreams, you don't need to make this stuff up."

Arthur pours himself a goblet of water and fixes her with his most arrogant expression, chin high and his mouth curling as he says, "You can tell me the truth. It's obvious you like me."

In that moment, Morgana wants nothing more than to throw the entire jug of water into Arthur's stupid, smirking face.

"Less and less by the second," she snaps, and leaves his room before she succumbs to the temptation to murder Arthur herself.

Morgana returns to her chambers, and spends the evening pacing while Gwen looks on anxiously.

"Morgana, I'm sure it will be all right."

"I don't trust this woman. Nobody has ever heard of her before, and I'm afraid she will ensnare Arthur into something..." Morgana trails off, and walks back to the window, looking out over the dark courtyard. "I don't believe that she means well."

"Arthur's a grown man," Gwen says tentatively. "I know you care about him, but if - if there's more to it than that, then perhaps --"

"There isn't," Morgana replies, turning quickly. "I would tell you if there was, but there's never going to be romance between me and Arthur. He's like an idiot brother, and I can't help being protective even when I want to slap his stupid, swollen head."

Gwen smiles and then looks down quickly, embarrassed to be involved in a joke at Arthur's expense.

"If I was going to admit feelings for someone in Camelot," Morgana continues, before her courage fails. "Then it wouldn't be Arthur."

She lets the words hang in the air, and when Gwen looks up their eyes meet. Morgana doesn't look away, and she sees the moment when the realisation washes over Gwen and colour floods her cheeks.

"I hope I'm wrong about Sophia," Morgana says, interrupting the moment so that Gwen doesn't feel an obligation to respond.

Gwen doesn't mention it again that evening, but neither does she make an excuse to leave and at bedtime Gwen's hug is a little tighter than usual. Morgana buries her face in Gwen's shoulder, inhaling the familiar, comforting scent, and hopes that things will be all right.

Somehow things do turn out all right, despite Arthur's ridiculous announcement that he intends to marry Sophia. The story Morgana hears is that Merlin stunned Arthur, thereby interrupting his attempt to elope, but she's sure there was more to it than Merlin is letting on.

After the incident with Arthur and Sophia, she stops taking the potion entirely. Morgana gets less sleep without it, but the dreams are clearer and she wants to know what's coming.

5.

Morgause's realm is so different to any part of Camelot that Morgana isn't sure she will ever understand how it works. She doesn't remember the journey here, but she woke up to sound of rain outside the window and Morgause sitting nearby.

It's hard to keep track of time, but Morgana thinks she had been here a week already and yet she's yet to see another person. There is milk, vegetables, meat and grain for their meals, yet no farmers making deliveries or traders selling their goods. She can only suppose that everything here is done by magic.

Morgana focuses her mind as Morgause has taught her, murmurs the unfamiliar words and the candle bursts alight.

The flame flickers, dancing in the breeze, and Morgana watches it until her heartbeat steadies again. Using magic still frightens her a little each time, but she is less nervous each time. One day, with practice, perhaps she will trust her power the way Morgause does, like a finely balanced weapon at her fingertips.

Swallows shriek and dive above her, dark against the clear blue sky. There might be no servants here to deliver messages, but Morgana is certain that Morgause has ways to communicate with those outside.

Morgana pushes the candle aside and takes up a pen and parchment. She dips the pen in ink, shakes off the excess drops, and begins to write.

_Dear Gwen, _

Do not worry about me; I am safe. There is much I have kept from you in recent months, and my father's death is not the only nightmare which has come to pass. Everything I concealed from you was out of my own fear and not any fault of yours. Never doubt that I trust you, Gwen - you are the only person in Camelot whom I trust. Letters are no way to bear one's heart, but know that I will tell you everything if you ask me. I do not know when I will return, but I promise you will see me again.  
All my love,

M

Morgana folds the parchment into a square, pressing the creases tight, and then tilts the candle so that a pool of wax falls onto the seam. When she whispers the counter-spell - the first enchantment that she asked Morgause to teach her - the candle flame dies instantly.

Morgana waits a second for it to cool, and then presses her signet ring - which bears her father's crest - into the hardening wax. She slides the ring back onto her finger and, feeling self-conscious even though she is alone - lifts the letter to her lips. If there is magic in a spoken word, then perhaps somehow Gwen will be able to sense Morgana's kiss.

She takes a moment to muster her arguments before going, letter in hand, to ask Morgause how it can be sent.


End file.
